Rocky's Wonderful Picture Show

The Wrath Of Cain…aka Caged Animal

*Sigh* at Ving Rhames’ career going the way of Wesley Snipes, Cuba Gooding Jr, an old warhorse, etc. etc., but who the holy sh*t is this kid name Nipsey Hussle? When I first saw him in a movie, he was so unbelievably horrible I thought they just gave a kid off the corner a chance. It has to be that, or Obama himself has helped this dude’s career. He makes Snoop Dogg look like Robert DeNiro. I can’t fool with a movie with that negro in it even one more time, and I’ve only seen two. Two too many.

Oh yeah, the Mexican dude that’s tatted all over his long hard neck is in it too.

I know I said I was going to write a nice review this time; maybe next time.

Trespass…

Speaking of Nic Cage, I saw this one last week…*sigh*

Nic Cage miscast + amuteur script + Nicole Kidman’s frozen face + zero chemistry between the leads + just why = this movie.

The fact that this film cost 35 million dollars to make and grossed $16,816 (shown on only 10 screens on its release) speaks volumes. People are lining their pockets, making trashed out films that they can get away with cause of A-list names, and not giving even one f*ck. Thanks, Hollywood (and Joel Schumacher).

I promise my next post will be about something I saw that was actually good! lol

Drive Angry…

What the eff double-yoo cee kay was this?

I am completely and thoroughly convinced that Nicolas Cage (who used to be one of my favorite actors, long ago in a very far-away place) and Cuba Gooding, Jr. made a bet to see who could implode their once promising career most spectacularly. At this time it’s neck and neck.

Occupant…

Ironic that my first post in weeks would be about a movie called “Occupant” cause I haven’t been occupying this blog. But I have a TON of film to snark about—-this is just the latest film I’ve seen.

What started out as what seemed like a great suspense/possible horror film slowly but surely tuned into watered down, watered down Roman Polanski (yes I meant to say that twice). Have I ever mentioned how much I hate Roman Polanski? Oh, except “Rosemary’s Baby”, and this is a movie that Rosemary’s inbred great-grandchild would have made. The “twist” at the end is enough to disgust someone off film for a minimum of a month…this movie was more time-wasting than Facebook.

How Do You Know…

I learn from every single movie I watch, whether it is A+ caliber, or Z-. There are always lessons to be learned, such as getting away from Master P films as fast as humanly possible. But from this film I learned:

A) The more you look and act like boiled, white, cold, unflavored oatmeal, the more money you will make. See the star of this movie, Reese Witherspoon, and her cohorts—Nicole Kidman, Keira Knightly, Jennifer Aniston, Kathryn Heigl, Gwyneth Paltrow, and Blake Lively.

B) Paul Rudd is in every single movie made this year.

C) Jack Nicholson is finally old. Really, really old.

D) This movie, which truly revolved around two rooms, cost 120 MILLION dollars to make.

That last fact makes me want to lay down in my bed with a nice, sturdy bottle of Maker’s Mark. How Do You Know (where all that freaking money went to) indeed. There was absolutely no cause or reason for this movie to be made. None.